The Need to be Known and Loved (Liked)

I have many long-held opinions on early childhood issues, such as self-esteem formation, infant bonding, attachment-style parenting, breast-feeding, nutrition and daycare. Most of my philosophies were developed back in the 80's when they were relevant to raising three little girls.

Since then I haven't changed my mind or my opinions all that much. For years I have observed adult behavior and have simplistically attributed certain adult dysfunctionalities to one of two extremes: those who never got the early-childhood love and attention they needed and those who were told that everything they did during their entire childhood was wonderful and believed it.

Inexplicably, there are always a few who have risen out of sheer deprivation to achieve great things--sometimes seemingly driven to success by those very inadequacies.

With recent technological advances and the metastasizing of social media applications, we have mega mountains (cyber clouds full) of new data available for diagnosing adult dysfunction.

Whether the negative behaviors we are able to witness (or participate in) everyday--with just a laptop and a Lazyboy--are "in our DNA" and/or otherwise part of our inherited (i.e. sinful and depraved?) nature, or whether they are a problem resulting from bad parenting styles (i.e. nature vs. nurture) can be debated.

But I contend that the proliferation of social media outlets has magnified and brought out of the closet, our worst selves.

I have personally fallen prey to some of the enticement and entrapment that is available with on-line and mobile communication and publishing. I have done some self-analysis, as well.

What is so compelling about these new opportunities? Why do we waste so much time on them? I am not really talking about the games--they have been around much longer.

I propose that we might have a new kind of addictive behavior--an addiction to a kind of narcissism, only recently available with the advent of the world wide web and social media. We are all almost always motivated by our own self-interest, but when a word ends with an -ism it is almost always in the area of the extreme and not a good thing--racism, sexism, fascism, etc. The opportunity we have for getting someone, somewhere in the world to respond to a few key strokes and a click on publish, all emanating from a (Lazyboy) chair in our house is pretty amazing, pretty empowering, pretty addicting--pretty much promoting narcissistic behavior.

In the past, writers would struggle and sweat over an article or book on hand-written sheets or a clunky Remington typewriter for months or years, with minimal feedback from their editor, if they had one, probably with lots of red ink, no like clicks and no opportunity to self-publish. I don't know if  that was better--it sounds more like a recipe for depression or suicide! But now living with delayed gratification seems to have become a lost art.

Now--the response to one's clever posts, fabulous photos and hilarious tweets can be immediate, for better or for worse--sometimes one more thing to regret in the morning. It is possible to record one's songs or thoughts, upload to YouTube, and be an instant celebrity--if you're cute enough, like Charlie and his brother. ("Charlie bit my finger")

Everyone has the potential of being a star. Overnight. A lottery ticket to fame is just a click away!

When a celebrity follows you back on Twitter you suddenly feel a little more important. (That hasn't happened to me!) My twitter following has remained pathetic. Karl Rove and Mary Katherine Ham (Twitter is the place I follow politics and news) followed me back as soon as I followed them when I first set up my twitter account--along with everyone else who followed them. Some Russian guy writing in Russian signed up to follow me. Great. And a few relatives. Now I hear that you can buy fake followers. How desperate is that?

(Try writing a good, original or truly funny tweet! If you dare to use a #hashtag, many more may take note of your brilliance and you might just get re-tweeted! I continue to be a big nothing in the Twitter world, as well as in my other worlds).

But when someone compliments a blog post, I sometimes imagine what it would be like to attract a large following. It is tempting. But I don't need it! I was loved plenty and don't require this kind of adult adulation. At least that is what I am telling myself.

I watch Fox News (yes, I am now definitely out of the conservative closet). Some (that I used to call friends) now call it Faux News, and worse! I say, their loss.

Anyway, on Wednesdays at 7PM on FNC, Bret Baier hosts an on-line interactive panel immediately after the political news hour, usually featuring the ever brilliant and clever Charles Krauthammer along with two other panelists, usually Steve Hayes and often one (moderate) woman. It's fun to comment and then watch the feed to see if my pithy contributions make the cut. Twice this summer my comments have been read aloud by Bret: Rose from Michigan says: Blah blah blah. I happened to be referencing veep choices, which has been a hot topic for weeks and months. Little me--sitting in my living room--quoted by a Fox News Channel anchor. Very cool!

Oh! Someone re-pinned my Pinterest pin. I am so cool.

 Do we really need those pins for an inspiration board, or is it just another fun way to waste some time?

Really, are we this pathetic? This is all a huge expenditure of time and energy--and I contend, so narcissistic.

If your mother loved you, get over it. Get on with your life and do something important with your time.

If your mother didn't love (or breastfeed) you--sorry. Get on with your life and do something that will last a little longer than scrolling through your twitter feed or posting twit pics of what you ate for lunch.

Maybe wasting time with Words with Friends, at least, will delay the onslaught of Alzheimer's disease. That is my hope.

And then there is Facebook. Incessant posting is a little sick, don't you think? For awhile I got a bit obsessed, changing that over-sized cover photo on the new timeline every day--desperate for someone to take notice or favor me with a "like." Please someone, like me!

I checked with a certain relative (who will remain anonymous here) recently as to what abuses she has observed. She replied that some of her (not-long-to-remain) Facebook friends post (bad) pictures of their (not-cute) children multiple times daily. I asked if I could quote her:

"I don't care about your stupid kids anymore. I actually, physically, want to harm them!"

(Another problem besides narcissism--Facebook promotes violence!)

I know that a lot of creative work and commerce is happening through social media applications at the same time all this nonsense is happening. I don't have any of this all figured out yet, but this post is a way for me think aloud about it. Perhaps it will be my last...